So..
Another day in the struggle for, and getting used to normality and self-acceptance. Every morning without the feeling "this won't ever get anywhere, you've failed", is a small but very important victory. Those kind of bad mornings have got a smaller and smaller role in my every-day life, thankfully. It's rare for people actually to feel so bad that they literally don't get up from bed, not to mention putting on some decent clothes or getting washed.
Is this depression, just anxiety or silly behaviour? I might answer with all three answers, and also with none. If you make it about being depressed, there will of course never ever be anything than that making you feel bad when waking up. I used to, and still sometimes put it all on anxiety when I don't feel like a winner, and last nights food starts creeping up from the stomach, muscles cramping. These symptoms, that are mainly physical, should definitely be taken into serious consideration if and when dealing with this problem. And not only morning-anxiousness/-depression/-takeyourpick.
Still, there are ways to live with all this. If it weren't so, there would be nobody complaining - only enormous cemeteries :D
I feel quite fortunate because I can live with all these examples, that I've given you (as examples etc.), no matter how often I feel like "eating the gun" instead of taking a shower or going out for a walk. It's just about getting something started. That's the only challenging part for people like me. The rest goes like clockwork, at least generally speaking. For instance taking care of yourself, your apartment, washing your clothes, or what ever that belongs in a human life, and definitely should belong, too. This is the reason, why I could never feel whole, content, or anything close to it, when I didn't do anything or take any responsibility for my own actions. Now it's a whole different ballgame. I don't deny getting huge amounts of help, but perhaps I still need it. That might have been a question, maybe a rhetoric one, but anyhow. I consider myself lucky to have someone to help me, and I mean more in spiritual matters than economic, even though the economic problems of the "youth" today are never to be underestimated ha ha :)
You want to know more? Mailing worked, last I checked, and I think a Google+/Gmail account is needed to be able to comment on these posts (this blog) - but what I was really going to say, was that if you have anything to ask about how "not think suicide" every morning or evening or the like - I might be able to help you, as I have been helped.
Now. The simple recipe for me to get through this days both best and worst hours, the morning (o6:45am when I started writing).
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| Coffee's ready - as the glass and international sign of success indicates :) |
Step 1.) Prepare and enjoy hot drinks such as coffee, or perhaps even better; tea. Coffee tends to be drunk too much, which might make a person more nauseous on the psychological side of things. Warm drinks have had interesting results in studies - they give a "homey" feeling. And it does not mean your pants start hanging, and you suddenly go for a drive-by - but you might just feel a little more comfortable and "at home, where you belong" ;)
Step 2.) Find something to give you a pause, and a chance to wake up. Today, for me, it's writing this, making and sipping the underestimated Finnish coffee blends, while reading the news online and playing my dear browser game. A couple of cigarettes, ét voilà!
Have a great day, or a bad - as long as you remember there can't be ups without downs. Interesting, but that's how it works. Or if not, your medication is most definitely very screwed up, hehe..
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| Still half asleep |
Thank you for reading - it has been a pleasure to hear about how many of you actually did it (referring to the first post). Feel free to give me pointers on what to write too, i.e. what you would like to read. By the way, every single piece of feedback is good as well as critique, of course.
Yours sincerely, your resident cuckoo-clock inhabitant,
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Tomas Luoto
P.S Thank you all for your encouragement and support regarding my so-called writing.
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