Alone, even when in company?

Friends for our every need?

Someone once told me, "I'm always alone, even when I'm with my friends, no matter in what company". 

  This was at the time a suprise to me, because this particular friend of mine had dozens of more good and close, even childhood friends like many of us lucky ones do. Since then, there always comes a time every once in a while when I seriously think about those words and what meaning they really have for someone who utters them. I confess - I've said them myself too. "I'm lonely, alone, no matter who I surround myself with." I guess in the end we all are, but there's a difference in how this affects each of us. We're all individuals after all, although human too at the same time. Have you ever felt this way? That you're lonely and somehow alone in your life, no matter how much friends or how good friends you have? I'm pretty sure you have. Then again, I don't think the thought of that despicable loneliness has ever gone further than that for the most of you, when at the same time, some of us even make the choice of wanting that certain loneliness, for example instead of surrounding ourselves with "bad company" - especially if there is no choice.

I don't think any one of us has a right to judge our fellow brothers and sisters, of the choices they make and of how they feel. Fortunately I'm not alone with this opinion. But I must say I have sometimes heard of "the lonely weirdo that lives next door to me", who "must have a bad life" and who will "probably die sad and alone". Who hasn't heard these stories? I might even in my earlier years have said something of the sort myself. I now hope I didn't offend anybody, and I regret having that ignorant opinion made public. For that I am sorry.

Loneliness has its place in the world, for a reason.

Why would anybody choose being alone? How does one become "the weird lonely neighbour" or just perhaps the guy who lives alone, studying, planning a future, who probably still has a family in his hometown and maybe - who knows - a girlfriend too? Well, there's of course different personalities in each and every one of us, but usually, I think it depends on the "surroundings" or should i say circumstances". People often move to where the universities and other schools are, to get their degrees and therefore have to surrender the company of their families and girlfriends etc. That's what we could call the environment around us. Different situations, different environments. Mix in different personalities and there you have it. Never forgetting the ones getting stepped on and pushed aside and away because of problems with social situations, anxiety and depression. Maybe alcoholism and substance-abuse problems. All this equals the environment and circumstances. If you ever read the Bible, you can find a quite central figure there, who was rather alone than with bad untrustworthy friends. An interesting fact...

Me? - Well, I choose to rather be a lot on my own, communicating mostly through the internet and other networks - with my quite big family, but only a few good friends. It's the choice I've had to make, just to make it, at all. The other option would have been a slow suicide and lots of suffering for all who ever cared for me at all. 

  Now I have a couple of good and reliable friends, very few, around me. A few more in different countries as I have always had, and I haven't been happier in over a decade. So there you go - here I am. The young, soon only 30-year old dude, who almost never has any visitors, who will probably die sad and alone. Or what do you think..? ;)

Yours, happily alone and still going strong,

Tomas Luoto