From analogue to digital

Into the future by updating our old selves

I would like to dedicate this first post to my friend Kai Jobes. 

We all need one of you in our lives :]

Lately this has been on my mind, probably because of all daily routines I've become addicted and accustomed too. Well, maybe just accustomed - like getting new habits, addicted is by definition a too 'harsh' and serious term.

 Why should all this, me getting and liking my routines, my morning coffee, shaving and doing laundry or shopping in some kind of different way or at a specified time, be anything out of the ordinary. I will tell you a short version of my own insight concerning the matter.

Almost my whole life as an "adult", from the age of 18 forward, maybe even earlier, I thought I was invincible, free from the rules of society and even health problems, just to give you people an example. I thought, "that can't ever happen to me, you see, I've got what it takes, and my parents were so great, that they brought me up and taught me how to live so well, that nothing bad can ever happen". I couldn't have been more wrong - except for the fact(s) about my childhood and how perfect it was, even though we all have our own things we've considered problems. Some bigger, some smaller, and so did I. As I do now too.

This is the part where my mother gets credit, for standing to see me grow up, and then - never make anything of myself, until the 29th, yes, almost 30th year of living.

I chose something that wasn't life - it was hell. Still is, and we all see these people daily, that didn't know what they were getting in to. In the world I'm telling you about and describing, there's no such easy solution as death by accident. Some higher power wants this small, but bigger than you'd think, to stay alive and suffer, and what's worse, make more people suffer by their actions and sometimes plain behaviour.

 I consider myself not only lucky, but a rare specimen (yes, laugh all you want, I sure do at the moment, heheh... :p ) - but only because I found the only way out of the world of self-deception. For you with less little grey cells upstairs, that world can be driven by for example, alcoholism, or substance addiction/abuse, or other mental illnesses. Usually all-in-one, a family pack but given only to the one for some evil reason(s).

I'm happy to notice, that for a year now, I've mourned my sons death, (Lucas Michael Anthony, passed away in his sleep June 30th 2012, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, age 4 months 5 days) and finally got to enjoy more of a real life, and finally getting independent, FOR REAL. And I most definitely do NOT mean the so-called independence a driving licence and the permission to buy beer gives you at the age of 18 or 21, depending on where you live. I mean the part, where you actually can see what's available, and you get the courage to do what you want, even though it usually scares us all shitless so to speak, ahem :)

 This process, is still going on for me. Got out of a bad relationship some 14 months ago, from a wonderful woman, my daughters mother. Too bad, she doesn't like having friends, or otherwise we would do good together these days and not in the form of any romanticism or relationship like before. It is no coincidence that I wanted her to be the mother of my children. And I wouldn't change a thing, except my own behaviour of course during the relationship.

So, stopping short here, after my first post of my first PROPER blog - I can summarize what's going on that's actually worth telling others about. I've learned, and I am still learning, like we all are in a way or another, to live and make healthy choices. Because I've exhausted all bad choices, it's actually really simple now when I've made my bed ready for a real, proper life so to speak. And perhaps something else too - literally ;)

Now, I'm going to take it easy, still re-placing my furniture and computers, screens etc, to make taking easy even more easy. Thank you mother for making this possible.
 Feel free to rape me with comments, straight from your hearts if you own one,
thank you!

Yours sincerely, semi-independent, mad as they come - yet - obviously calmer than women,

Tomas Luoto